September 2005

Fuckwit marketers at it again

by Suw on September 30, 2005

Every now and again I come across a piece of marketing which is just so clueless as to be astonishing. Usually it involves blogs and some idiot at an agency somewhere thinking that they can 'leverage' the 'power' of blogs to 'virally market' their wares and 'increase brand awareness'.
Usually, I just take the piss.
This time round, though, the marketers have reached a new and despicable low.
One of my very good friends is the blogger Tom Coates. His is one of a now very small number of blogs that I read religiously every day, not just because he has a fascinating insight into stuff I'm interested in, but also because he's a friend and I want to know what's happening with him.
Over the last few months, Tom has been grappling with the task of finding his father, whom he hasn't spoken to since he was five years old. His story has been touching, and I marvel sometimes at the strength he shows in sharing his search with his readers.
A couple of weeks ago, Tom got a letter from his father. His first contact with his dad for 28 years. It's taken him two weeks to find the words to talk about this on his blog – it was a hard post for him to write, but because other people who were dealing with the same issue of finding lost parents have been so supportive of Tom, he felt he wanted to find a way to talk about what's happened.
Many of the comments on the post are very supportive, but one stands out. Not because it's not supportive, but because it was written by a fictional character used by an advertising agency to promote Cillit Bang, a cleaning product.
I cannot for the life of me fathom why an advertising agency would do this – it's wrong on so many levels. If they were hoping for Googlejuice, then they're unlikely to get any because of the way that blog tech works these days. But surely someone wouldn't be this insensitive as to pimp their product on a such a personal post? Would they?
Tom didn't think it sounded feasible either, so he investigated. Sadly, it turns out that, after quite a bit of phoning and checking and ferreting out facts, this is actually exactly what it appears to be – marketers writing fake comments from a fictional character purporting to be supportive of someone going through a real, emotionally stressful time.
There are words for this, as Tom points out (emphasis Tom's):

Now clearly, it was pretty difficult to believe that even a marketing / advertising organisation would be comfortable with trying to promote their product on a weblog where someone was discussing their first contact with their father for 28 years. I mean, sure there's some limited mileage to be gained in a link from a number of weblogs, although with all the anti-spam tech in place now they can't possibly have been hoping for Googlejuice. But still, surely thinking about how to exploit that kind of post would be beyond the pale. I mean, surely that would be revolting, corrupt, cynical, disgusting, revolting, sick and dishonourable. It would be – frankly – one of the most offhandedly unpleasant things I've ever come up against. And a trick! An attempt by these people to exploit a community and individual's good faith to sell a few bottles of highly corrosive cleaning fluid. And remember, this wasn't an automated message operating indiscriminately, this was a hand-written note posted by an individual human being.

I admire Tom for giving these people the benefit of the doubt to start with, and actually phoning round to find out whether or not an ad agency truly was behind this comment. Now that we know they are, it's time to make it very, very clear that this sort of behaviour simply will not be tolerated. (Emphasis Tom's in quote below.)

One way or another – whether these specific people are directly responsible for spamming our conversations with their marketing – this whole enterprise stinks to high heaven. The fake weblogs that pretend to be real are almost bad enough – it's an attempt to muddy the reality of a community with the fantasy world that they need to flog cleaning products and make it seem glamourous or exciting. But someone out there – associated with one marketing group or another – is also keen to directly stick their dirty little hands in the cookie jars of well-meaning, honourable people, quite happy to pollute or destroy the value of the enterprise for everyone else if they can derive even the tiniest return from it.
I'm going to give them the benfit of the doubt and say that this whole enterprise is based on clumsiness and stupidity rather than evil, but we have to make a stand and make it clear to these people that if you live by the sword you die by the sword. It's not good enough for just these marketing people to realise that they've screwed up and damaged the brands they were associated with, we have to keep making examples of them to stop other clumsy organisations viewing our self-created territories as nothing more than sales opportunities. Do not lie to us because we will expose you. Be honourable, or we will erase you. And all anyone will see when they search on Google for your products is that there is no depth to which you will not stoop to get another few bottles into someone's shopping basket.

The blogosphere is pretty good at self-regulating. When its body is invaded by a splinter, it will expel it. There can be simply no justification for the cynical manipulation of blog comments like this. There can be no leeway given to advertising agencies – in this case Reckitt Benckiser – who screw up like this. New to blogging? Well, use a bit of common sense before you post because if you fuck up this badly in public, you can expect to get yourself ripped a new one.
In fact, here, let me do that now. Reckitt Benckiser have behaved in a disgraceful, despicable, dishonourable, selfish, cold-hearted, insensitive, cynical, vile manner. They should be ashamed of themselves. I expect nothing less than a full and public apology from both Reckit Benckiser and their employee who so callously tried to gain benefit from someone else's heartfelt honesty. And if they had any honour at all, they would remove the Cillit Bang blog and stop polluting people's comments with their marketing bullshit.

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Alive

by Suw on September 26, 2005

Tired.
Swamped.
Still at the office.
But generally, on balance, things are good.

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Packing and moving

by Suw on September 25, 2005

Gah. I didn't know that I had so much stuff.
I'd been working under the misapprehension that I would pop back to Dorset, pick up some clothes and a couple of books and that I'd be moving to London with just the bare minimum. Except I sat down yesterday and started going through my book shelves to pick out my 'essential reading' list… and when I looked at the pile I realised I'd have to put at least half of them back.
Ditto with the clothes.
And I haven't even attempted to move all my CDs, DVDs, and general piles of … well, stuff.
I really am a packrat. My brother's car is full to brimming, and I have to leave space to fit in my suitcase which is at Gerard's in Ham. And I have a whole bunch of stuff that I wanted to take that I have to leave behind. The item I am most going to miss, and have most missed the last few years because I had nowhere to put it, is my guitar. I have a beautiful Takamine left-handed, and recently I've been really wanting to play it, but there's just no room for it in the car. Hopefully my parents will be able to bring it up on the train next week without reducing it to matchsticks.
Have keys to the new place, but there's no bed so I'm sleeping on a rather narrow single (more like half a single) futon. No shelves, or drawers or anything, so I'll still need to use my suitcase for storage.
Also – and this is rather distressing – no broadband. If I've been a bit crap lately with replying to emails and blogging and such, I am afraid I am only going to get worse. I'll be spending a lot of time at my office (well, I say 'my', but it's been kindly donated in support of ORG, so it's not mine at all) so I'll have access to the internet there, but as soon as I get home each night I will be offline.
That might not be such a bad thing, for a while, because I really do have to get moving with a few things, such as my book and reading up on a whole shed-load of data retention stuff that I've been hoarding. And sleeping. And reading To Say Nothing Of The Dog. And watching all that TV my friend Tom kindly gave me. And Finding Neverland (yes, Cam, I really am going to watch it. Honest!).
Still, I will have my vodka. And my chocolate. Two out of three ain't bad.

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Biz blogging survey

by Suw on September 23, 2005

The BlogOn guys and iUpload are doing a survey of business bloggers. Go, now, fill it out, cos I get to play with the raw data when it's done and I want lots of data to play with!

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Drowning in spam

by Suw on September 23, 2005

Woke up to over 1550 comment spam on my blog this morning. I can't sit and delete them all by hand, so am hereby begging the people at Blogware to do it for me with a database query. In the meantime, anon comments is turned off, HTML in comments is turned off, and I'm sorry for the pollution.
I really do hope that we find a way to inflict gangrene or maybe necrotising faciitis on spammers the world over. Actually a nice bout of acute necrotising faciitis with MRSA and maybe some slow-acting form of a haemorrhagic virus just for fun. Or maybe you can just pin them down whilst I drive in the bamboo.
UPDATE: And yes, I've turned off anon comments. And yes, I've turned on NoFollow, even though both those actions go against the grain.

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Succumbing to the call of the vodka

by Suw on September 21, 2005

Ok, so I've had my arm twisted and I'm going to be at the drinks in Fulham tomorrow night. Come. Join me. (And buy me vodka.)

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Open Rights Group update

by Suw on September 21, 2005

Just posted an update on where we're at with ORG over on the temporary ORG blog, along with some information on Free Culture UK and Open Geodata. The most important thing, though, is that we really need to whip up some fuss about data retention:

Urgent Data Retention ACTION NEEDED BY THURSDAY 2005-09-22
You don't need us to tell you that the mandatory retention of data about every EU citizen's calls, mobile phone movements, and internet usage would be a bad thing (if you do, check http://www.edri.org/docs/lettertoUKpres.pdf for a joint letter from EDRi and Privacy International to the Council of Ministers on the problems with data retention).
But it's happening anyway: the EU Commission just published their proposal to do just that:
http://www.statewatch.org/news/2005/sep/com-data-retention-prop.pdf
And there's a live streaming press conference with Commissioner for Justice, Freedom and Security Franco Frattini on the 'retention of data and the radicalisation and recruitment of terrorists' today (Wednesday 21 Sept) at 12.15pm.
http://europa.eu.int/comm/ebs/schedule.cfm
One of the key EU institutions considering their position on this proposal is the ARTICLE 29 WORKING GROUP: that's all of the Information Commissioners (data protection registrars) in the EU, acting as one. Word has it that many of the Article 29 Working Group want to fight data retention.
But the UK Information Commissioner says he can't join the fight because he doesn't feel that he can publically stand against the UK government's recent paper “Liberty and Security: Striking the Right Balance”.
http://www.edri.org/docs/UKpresidencypaper.pdf
Short summary: it has a CCTV picture of the London Bombers on the front page. Says civil liberties are nice and all but, woo, terrorism.
Longer summary (from the excellent Privacy International coverage):
http://www.privacyinternational.org/article.shtml?cmd%5B347%5D=x-347-346410
EDRi has produced a short analysis of the paper, which finds that none of the examples used by the UK government would justify their data retention proposals:
http://www.edri.org/node/view/679
The latest draft of the EU's data retention plans have already excised the Article 29 working group from overseeing what sort of data gets retained.
The group want to fight, but the UK commissioner is reticent.
You can get them fighting back. Tell your Info Commissioner to stand up for your rights.
IF YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES:
Visit http://www.dataretentionisnosolution.com and sign European Digital Rights (EDRi)'s Europe-wide petition. EDRi is working hard at the EU level to alert politicians to the issues with data retention; the petition helps it demonstrate the size of the constituency it represents and will help boost Article 29's confidence.
IF YOU HAVE TWENTY MINUTES:
The UK Information Commissioner doesn't answer to the government: he answers to Parliament, and from them, to you. His mission (should he choose to accept it) includes: “protecting your personal information”.
For that he doesn't need the government's backing: he needs yours.
1. Write to your MP, and tell him or her that you want the UK Information Commissioner to speak in the EU on your behalf against data retention. Use http://www.writetothem.com/
2. When you're done, copy and paste your message to the Commissioner's office email at: mail@ico.gsi.gov.uk If you like, cc: us at suw.charman+ico@gmail.com.
(You may want to check http://www.openrightsgroup.org/ before you send that second mail. We want the information commissioner to know we support him, but don't want to spam him to death. If he complains, we'll put up a sign.)
3. Forward this mail. Feel free to cut out everything but this plea. But make sure you include the expiry date: THURSDAY 2005-09-22.
Here's some points you could mention in your letter to your MP:
* Ask your MP to tell the Information Commissioner to speak for you, not the British government. Your right to have your personal data protected will outlast the current incumbents and must be assured by the appropriate legislation.
* The Commissioner has previously commented on both the expense of and lack of need for data retention. Ask your MP to ask that he fully and thoroughly investigate any data retention plans before rolling them out across Europe. Try not to mention “45 minute claims”: it makes MPs uncomfortable and sweaty.
* The “Liberty and Security” paper published by the government actually only asks for “internet logins and logouts”. The EU proposal also demands the To: and From: of emails. Tell your MP that even if the Commissioner is beholden to the government's stance, he should agree to no more than the minimum amount of data requested.
Be polite; be pursuasive: we want him on our side.
But most of all, be prompt. The Article 29 Working Group meets Thursday and Friday of this week.
We'll let you know how you get on. Remember, 850 people have your back.

And if you haven't already, please do go and sign the Pledge – we have over 850 signatories now, so we're getting close. If you've already signed it, please convince just one of your friends to sign as well.
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The Decrepitorium

by Suw on September 21, 2005

It's been ages since I've blogged a dream, primarily because they've actually all been rather dull lately, but this morning I had one of those surround-sound ultravivid IMAX-type dreams, which I can only summarise poorly in writing.

I'm outside some gates – multiple gates, set into a bay in a limestone wall far too high to look over. I've been here before. I recognise the avenue, the trees. Last time we couldn't get in, and I couldn't read what was above the gates. Now I can:

Arlingham Decrepitorium

It's a museum about death. The Decrepitorium. We're taken in through the gates by a small, balding, ferrety-looking guide, my dad and I, and into what looks like a small limestone mausoleum. Like so many mausoleums, this one is bigger on the inside than it looks and it's full. Of bodies. Mummified bodies. Plasticised bodies. Bodies in formaldehyde. Lots and lots of human bodes.
And death memorabilia. Stuff from Egyptian burials, small models of the embalming process, grave goods from countries I'd never even heard off. Coffin nails (including massive copper ones and ones with little jewels in). Loads of it. Mountains of the stuff.
And then there was the Decrepitorium Mirror. It ranged along a wall, with outlines painted onto it so that you could line yourself up, and when you gazed into it, it showed you what you would look like at various stages of decomposition. For some reason, I resembled Dominic Monaghan (the guy that plays Charlie in Lost), which is odd because he doesn't much look like a decaying corpse.

I love the idea of a Decrepitorium. It really would make a fantastic website – I can see it now, all gothic and Dave McKean-ish. And it's just a great word, although according to Google, it doesn't exist. Or didn't, until I dreamt it.
Thusly do I donate to the world a new word: decrepitorium. Make me proud. Get it into circulation and thence to the dictionary.

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First draft of chapter complete

by Suw on September 20, 2005

So, the chapter I'm writing for the Uses of Blogs book is at the red pen stage. First draft finished this evening, and I've started scrawling all over it in, crossing bits, out, adding bits in, wondering what meds I must have been taking when I wrote that particular sentence. It needs a major rewrite before it's even close to being ready. Still, I have about 12 days before the deadline, so I'm not too worried at this point.
I should be doing ORG stuff now, though, but too tired. Instead, I'm sitting here listening to the omnipresent rumble of distant jets coming into Heathrow. They sound like the far away thunder of waves breaking on rocks. They have just the right sort of tone and frequency… ruuuuuUUUUUMMMMBBlllllleeeeeee … … … ruuuuuuUUUMMMMMBBBBllllllleeeeeeee … … …
If it weren't for the hum of the fridge, I could close my eyes and be there on the beach in Hawaii, hobbit at my feet, monster in jungle, skin cancer on the way. Wouldn't it be bliss to be lost for a while?

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Why do you blog?

by Suw on September 19, 2005

Saira's asking why people blog, as she tries to wrap her head round what blogging is, what it means to us bloggers, and how it affects people. Why not pop over and give her your answer?
She's also having a blogger meet-up:

Thursday 22nd Sept at 7pm
The Sofa So Bar, 515 Fulham Road, London,SW6 1HD
Telephone 020 7385 6403

I'm going to try to be there, but getting home to Ham from Fulham without a car is going to be… well, painful to put it mildly. Took me nearly two hours to get home tonight from Bank. Gah. Can't wait to move!

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Etech proposals in

September 19, 2005

And before the deadline too. Yay! Also, publisher now preparing contract. Yay! Yay again! (Note: Not out of the woods yet, mind you. It ain't over til the fat lady bogsnorkels.)

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Posts never written and hugs waiting to be given

September 18, 2005

I wrote a really long post in my head on the way back tonight. A very long post in which I felt very sorry for myself because, for reasons I won't go into, I had become acutely aware of my own loneliness. I listened to a lot of Turin Brakes on the journey, particularly Underdog […]

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Dumb, dumber, dumberer and dumberest

September 16, 2005

Wonderful article by Ben Goldacre on how writing his equally wonderful Bad Science column has “increased his suspicion of the media by, ooh, a lot of per cents”. I'll resist the urge to quote the entire thing, although its general brilliance makes it hard to pick out a single quote. Once journalists get their teeth […]

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Nasty audio spam

September 16, 2005

I just opened up my email this morning, after someone rang my mobile long enough to wake me (after a *really* bad night's sleep) but not long enough for me to get downstairs and answer (bastards) and was assaulted by two simultaneously playing 'news' reports. Searched through my open apps – nothing should be making […]

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Progress!

September 15, 2005

Got half my chapter written today. 1800 words. Could have been more – I'd been hoping to finish the first draft in one fell swoop – but I was feeling rather ropey this afternoon and found it hard to focus. With any luck, I'll polish off this draft tomorrow and then can let it sit […]

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