Strange how things turn out, sometimes

Only last week was I saying how I would feel too much like the obsessive fan if I bought Matrix sunglasses, no matter how cool they look.

*rolls eyes to the heavens*

Now, that was just asking for the gods to play tricks on me, wasn’t it?

This morning I had a very nice surprise in the post which enabled me to go out and buy these Dolce & Gabbana sunnies that I’ve been lusting over for the last week. Now, I know this makes me very materialistic, but I’m an Aries, so that’s just how things are.

In my defence, I am actually rarely overcome by the all-consuming need to own something, but when I am, it’s hard to fight the feeling off. I’ve gone for months without really spending any money on myself, and so when the desire for new sunnies caught me in its icy grip, there was just no shaking it.

I wandered happily into town at lunchtime, enjoying another day of glorious sunshine (one more day of this and summer will officially have peaked), and allowed myself to lust from afar over something that quite possibly cost no more than a few quid to make, but for which I was going to part with a serious wadge of *cough*hard earned*cough* cash.

I got into the shop and asked the assistant if I could try on said shades. He searched round for a key to the locked cabinet in which they resided, and I looked at the display they had there. Keanu in a long coat. Official shades on a special little stand, next to pairs of unofficial-but-looking-slightly-similar pairs, including the one that I was after. I couldn’t see the prices on any of them, but I bet that the official ones were steep. 250 bucks on the net, bound to be at least ?150 here.

So, Quintin (no, really) the Assistant gave me the D&G shades to try, and I have to admit, they looked wonky. He fiddled with them a little, and they still looked wonky. I felt a little disappointed.

It was at this moment of emotional turmoil and vulnerability that Loki Sly Tongue manifested himself as a second assistant, who popped up out of nowhere to say, “I bet these ones would look really good on you!”

Suddenly, I found myself with a pair of Neo sunglasses perched on my nose, doing nice things to my cheekbones and generally looking very cool. Part of me exulted in just how great these shades looked. The rest of me took that part outside and gave it a good kicking:

How on earth could you possibly buy official Matrix shades? I mean, how sad and geeky is that? And how much of a tosser will you look six months down the line when they’re horrendously out of fashion?

Hm, actually, six months down the line Revolutions will have come out and we’ll be in the midst of Matrix madness all over again. I think their status as ?fashionable? is not only assured for a while longer, but also entirely irrelevant to the issue at hand, which is do they look cool?

Ok, yes, they do look cool. But Neo’s shades! Come on! You’re not that sad, surely?

Yes, but they do look so very, very good. And they’re comfy. And not wonky.

The Dolce & Gabbana will last longer though. I mean, they’re more robust. More stylish. Less geeky.

But they’re wonky.

They weren’t wonky when you tried them on in that other shop last week.

Oh, ok. I’ll go try them on in the other shop. I can always come back if need be.

So, I did. I tried the D&Gs on in the other shop, and it’s true, they weren’t wonky. They looked very, very cool. Suited me quite well. Did nice things to my cheekbones.

I think the first pair had simply been pawed and mangled by too many people.

Decisions, decisions. See, big important decisions are often easier than silly little decisions. Things that mean nothing can be hard to fathom precisely because they mean nothing. Of what importance is my choice in shades? What does it matter whether I wear D&G or Matrix or atennerfromthemarket? Who is gonna notice? And of those who do, who is going to give a flying fuck?

Answer: No one.

So, I did other shopping. I faffed. I rang Kate and asked her advice. Flip a coin, she said, if you really can’t decide. I flipped a coin. Heads Neo; tails D&G. It came up tails. I felt slightly disappointed. See, Kate said, I knew it. You want the Neo ones, you know you do.

Being bloody minded, I persuaded myself then that, although I wanted the Neo ones, what I really, really wanted was the D&G ones. I convinced myself quite utterly, and went back to Shop No. 1 where I was immediately spotted by Quintin and Loki Smooth Talker, who asked if I had decided.

“No,” I said. “Of course not. I want to try them on again.”

“Certainly,” they said, smiling.

Quintin handed me the Neo shades. I put them on.

“I already know which ones you’re going to buy,” he said.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Which ones am I going to buy?” I took off the Neo shades and tried the D&G shades again.

“The Matrix ones,” he said. “Your face just lights up when you put them on. It’s obvious. When you put the other ones on, you just look, well?”

That was the decision made then. I am a sad, sad person. I have Matrix shades. Neo shades, at that. Not even obscure Twins shades. Perversely, I’m pleased that the Trinity shades made me look like a goth version of Dame Edna. (Even Loki Forked Tongue agreed they looked a bit rubbish.) And that the Agent Smith shades didn’t even get a look in (too small). I don’t think I’d have gone for the Niobe shades either if they’d had them, although they do look good on Jada Pinkett Smith. Ditto with Morpheus’s shades, although I think they’d pinch after a bit.

I can’t believe I can picture in my head every pair of shades in both The Matrix and Reloaded. I know I have an oft-times obsessive need for attention to detail, but that is ludicrous.

In the end, though, it turned out good. Apparently, due to the fact that each store in this well known chain of opticians got sent just one pair in each style, these were the only Neo shades in stock. (This appeased me somewhat – not everyone in Reading is going to be walking round with the same shades as me! Although maybe I’ll check back next week just to see if they miraculously have a new pair there on the display stand. Not that I’m cynical, or anything.)

More to the point, though, they were half the price I was expecting and prepared to pay. Bargain. I even got them to throw in a hard case for free, so I don’t mangle them accidentally. 😀

After all that, and in case you were wondering what these damn shades look like, here’s a pic.