Monday, June 23, 2003

I am hereby bowing to your command, oh reader. 83% of you (doesn't that sound so much better than 'five'?) wanted to read some sort of biographical information about me. So here it is. Please do ask questions if you feel your needs have not entirely been met by this slightly overlong and rambling expos?. I shall be happy to answer if I possibly can.

Now, it is true that I stole this list idea from Feeling Listless, but I am entirely unrepentant. As somebody very prescient said, there is nothing more powerful in this world than an idea which can be easily nicked. But anyway, here you go:

1. I’m 5ft 8ins in my bare feet and two inches taller in two-inch heels.
2. The spelling of my name owes more to a felicitous typo than to any desire to seem more Welsh. In fact, it predates my interest in Welsh by many years.
3. Suw is pronounced ?Soo? not ?Syew?.
4. I live in deepest, darkest Dorset, but am aiming to move somewhere much more interesting as soon as possible. I have yet to decide where, though.
5. I was adopted by a large stray black and white long-haired cat nearly two years ago. I called her Fflwff because she resembled the eponymous cat in some short stories I wrote when I’d just started learning Welsh in 97.
6. Fflwff and I have come to an agreement over the last two years regarding an acceptable use of claws policy, however, she still sinks them in my arse when she wants attention because she knows it’s a tactic that’s pretty much impossible to ignore.
7. I have a degree in Geology from the University of Wales, College of Cardiff.
8. I still don’t understand why I have a degree in Geology from the University of Wales, College of Cardiff. I really should have done English or History or Art or Journalism, or something that I would have stood a goldfinch’s fart of actually using after graduation.
9. Welsh is my second language.
10. I used to be a music journalist/photographer and worked as a freelance for the Melody Maker. I’ve also written for the BBC, but not about music.
11. I miss being a music journalist sometimes. It was fun, but the pay was lousy and I had to deal with a lot of wankers. So sometimes I don’t miss being a music journalist at all.
12. I’ve had a proposal for a non-fiction book rejected by Hodder and Staughton. I feel that, as a writer, I have now arrived.
13. I’m triskadecaphilic.
14. I would like to finish my novel sometime before the end of the century. Or before I die, whichever comes first.
15. I am a freelance writer and am looking for work. If you need a writer, hire me.
16. I’ve been self-employed in one way or another for six years.
17. When I stopped being a journalist, I became a web designer.
18. I was on the wrong end of the dot.com disaster.
19. I’ve done four gigs as a stand up comic. And I got laughs.
20. I’ve done one gig as a singer/bassist. And we got applause and people danced.
21. I play guitar rather badly left-handed, but I play bass right-handed.
22. Jimi Hendrix used to play guitar left-handed and bass right-handed and died around the time I was conceived. Coincidence?
23. I’m a polymath in an age of specialists.
24. I have a fear of spiders.
25. I have conquered (almost) my fear of record shops.
26. I am still utterly, pant-wettingly terrified of driving, so I haven’t driven since I passed my test at 18.
27. Every year I wonder if this is the year I’m going to have to start driving again.
28. I am completely in support of equal clothing rights for men, and am very keen on executive transvestites. If there were more men in dresses in this world, it would be a much nicer place.
29. I’m no good at picking lists of favourite things.
30. I come from Dorset. That’s the county on the south coast of England, sort of slightly left of centre, which everyone drives through but no one really goes to. Well, no one under the retirement age. There are a lot of people in Dorset who appear to be simply hanging around, waiting for death to catch up with them and clogging up the pavements with their zimmer frames in the meantime. The average age of Dorset is probably about 75.
30. I love music. Specially music made by slightly miffed young men with guitars. Can’t beat a cute bloke with a guitar, if you ask me.
31. I also love film, but I don’t seem to have enough time to really see as many as I’d like.
32. I talk a lot.
33. I have a small statuette of Bast. I’ve been told I look like her.
34. Like the Electric Monk, I can hold two or more completely contradictory beliefs at once without frying any logic circuits. Some people find this ability a little hard to comprehend.
35. I grew up on sci-fi, particularly the authors with unspellable names.
36. I love comics, particularly anything by Neil Gaiman, of whom I am a huge fan. I was very excited when Neil linked to my blog on his. Very. It was quite a sight.
37. I was very disappointed when younger to discover that there is, in fact, no moonbase and nor are there any spaceships with slidey doors that go ?shhhk?.
38. I’m a Daoist. Just not a very good one.
39. I’ve flown a plane. I was happier flying planes than driving.
40. My first job was in science publishing and lasted nearly two years. I have never topped this.
41. If I don’t have a crisis, I’ll make one.
42. I’m an Aries. Deal with it.
43. I’m a bit dyslexic, and really bad with numbers. Never trust me if I give you a phone number without looking it up first.
44. I’m 32.
45. I wish there was a machine for capturing thoughts direct from one’s mind. I tend to find that they seem much better in there than they do when I’ve managed to extract them.
46. I only have one wisdom tooth left.
47. I’m starting to think that this list was not such a good idea, but I’m going to run with it anyway.
48. I write scripts for feature length films and love it. I may one day sell one. If I do, you'll be the first to know. Well, the second, after me, obviously. Possibly third, as I guess the buyer would have to know too. Then there's my family… Ok, you'd definitely be in the first ten.
49. I was very surprised when someone the other day called me a language activist, and I had to admit that on consideration, maybe I am. Partly this is due to the fact that I seem to be pissing off the Welsh establishment by my brazen use of the word ?cachu? (shit) in the name of my web site which helps Welsh learners learn Welsh – Clwb Malu Cachu (literally that means ?The Mincing Shit Club?, but ?malu cachu? is an idiom meaning ?to talk nonsense?), and in particular with my page teaching people how to swear in Welsh.
50. Are we at 50 already? Heaven forfend, that went quickly. Um, right, ok, I’ll need to end on something really seriously profoundly cool then. Er, um, yeah, ok? I really like Duran Duran.

?Damn, how did that slip out?

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