Wednesday, October 1, 2003

Shrub's IQ is contagious

by Suw on October 1, 2003

An American friend of mine recently bought a new PC online. Towards the end of the buying process she was asked a number of serious questions so that the vendor could comply with US export regulations:

1. Who is the end user of the product you are ordering?
2. What is the intended use of this product?
3. Will these products be exported to other countries?
4. Will the product be used in connection with weapons of mass destruction?

Now maybe I'm missing the point here, but who the hell's going to answer yes to that last question? And what would they do if someone actually did? Do they seriously believe that terrorists are that stupid? Or have they just watched Pirates of the Caribbean once too often?

Murtogg and Mullroy look around, spot Jack standing at the wheel of the Interceptor, casually examining the mechanism.

MULLROY
You!

Jack looks over in exaggeratedly innocent surprise.

MULLROY (CONT'D)
Get away from there! You don't have permission to be aboard there!

JACK
I'm sorry. It's just such a pretty boat. Ship.

MURTOGG
What's your name?

JACK
Smith.

MULLROY
What's your business in Port Royal, 'Mr. Smith'?

MURTOGG
And no lies!

JACK
None? Very well. You've rumbled me. I confess: I intend to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, and go out on the account, do a little honest pirating.

MURTOGG
I said, no lies.

MULLROY
I think he's telling the truth.

MURTOGG
He's not telling the truth.

MULLROY
He may be.

MURTOGG
If he were telling the truth he wouldn't have told us.

JACK
Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth if he told you it.

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This morning's celebrity cameo

by Suw on October 1, 2003

Eddie Izzard. I dreamt I was attempting to break the record for distance travelled in a hot air balloon over land, except I hit a tree and the balloon came down outside some old public* school building. The balloon was owned by Eddie Izzard, who was none too chuffed that I'd holed it.

I'll apologise to him next week.

*For those of you who don't understand the UK schooling system, public schools are private, i.e. require you to pay fees for the attendance and ritutal humiliation of your children. Private schools are also private, but state schools are public and therefore free so long as you don't think too hard about how much you pay in taxes.

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