Unmissable tips for the proud home-maker in you

by Suw on September 7, 2004

My top tip for cleaning houses ready for the return of their rightful owners after an eight week holiday:
1. Gather all mess together.
2. Put mess in spare room.
3. Close door.
4. (Optional) Press 'Detonate'.
Quick! Easy! Effective!
Contra-advice: Never put anything on your bed that you're not willing to sleep on top of.

Anonymous September 7, 2004 at 9:17 pm

Excellent advice! Although, I'm not sure if the owners would like to come home to a room full of mess after their break. However, by the time they find it, you'll be long gone and it won't be your problem any more.

Anonymous September 7, 2004 at 9:30 pm

That's why there's a step 4.

Anonymous September 8, 2004 at 9:19 am

Never put anything on your bed that you're not willing to sleep on top of.
Or anyone.

Anonymous September 8, 2004 at 12:41 pm

I find that if you don't put things on the bed, but on the bedroom floor, you'll be alright.
As long as you leave a path between bed and door…

Anonymous September 8, 2004 at 12:46 pm

that presupposes that there's any room *left* on the floor. 😉

Anonymous September 9, 2004 at 12:27 am

A-ha!
You just need to be good at stacking stuff. Besides, if you stack it high enough you don't have to worry about pulling your curtains closed.
Still, I'll admit I slept with a couple of books on my bed for a few nights – I forgot they were there, and as my bed is so big and comfortable…
…spent three hours looking for them before giving it up as a bad job, threw myself on the bed and landed on them.
Who needs a filiing system?

Anonymous September 9, 2004 at 9:16 pm

This would expain the need to have 40 needles pushed into your back. Extra Extra kinks cause by lumpy bed!

Anonymous September 18, 2004 at 3:51 am

In 1986, I wrote a different but apropos set of words to Jackson Brown's “Fountain of Sorrow”. See …
this GooJa link to “Mountain of Laundry”.

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