I've just had my first meal for almost 48 hours. Now my stomach is doing its best impression of a concrete mixer, although hopefully this doesn't presage a return to yakking up all night.
Now, I'm a big fan of the concept of the NHS, particularly the idea that if you're incapacitated, they'll come and see you. But jeeze, do they employ some stupid people. I rang the surgery yesterday and explained what was wrong.
Me: “I've been vomiting and suffering diarrhea all night, I'd like a doctor to come out.”
Brainless secretary: “Can't you come to the surgery?”
Me: “Well, no. I've just spent twelve hours throwing up.”
BS: “Oh. Are you sure you can't come?”
Me: “I don't have a car, I don't know anyone with a car, and I can't barely get as far as the kitchen. It's a 20 min walk to the surgery, I don't think I'd make it.”
BS: “Well, I can't say whether or not a doctor can call round. Are you absolutely sure you can't come in?”
In the end a quack phoned, told me it was a virus and that I should go to the nearest pharmacy to get something over the counter. Hm, I'd really like to see these people walk 15 mins to the nearest pharmacy whilst suffering from an explosively unsettled digestive system. Instead, my dear father came up from Dorset and went to the pharmacy for me whilst I shivered all feverish under my duvet, with a rather concerned cat looking on. (For the first time in our two year long house-sharing history, I was the one that kept her up all night, rather than the other way round. She looked quite befuddled and not a little concerned about the whole thing.)
Now, I'm left bemoaning the fact that I really didn't need to be ill this week, wondering which part of my life is about to implode next (I'm putting money on the business) and whether or not I should just give it all up and become a nun. (Can I be an atheist nun?)
Oh, and by the way, my holiday in the States went for a burton – I had to cancel it. It was going to be my first holiday in 13 years. Looks like I might have to wait a bit longer for that particular luxury.
UPDATE: Ok, dinner was a really bad idea. Ugh.