It's fairly obvious to anyone with half a wit that organising a wedding is a relatively involved thing. You are, after all, organising an event for some 60 – 100 guests, (or more… or less), and that takes a bit of doing. But one thing no one really needs is complications, yet there are complications galore. And I'm not talking about the wrinkles introduced by marrying one of them thar dratted furriners.
Nope, what's turning out to be a right unholy mess is the fact that we want a mixed atheist/Christian wedding and in the UK, you can either have a religious ceremony in a church, or you can have a non-religious civil ceremony in an approved venue, but by God, never the twain shall meet. Oh no, you can't have a slightly-religious ceremony in a civil venue – that's not allowed. And whilst apparently you can add to your vows, individual registrars get the final say on what is said.
I have to say, I am a little dumbfounded. Kevin and I want a ceremony that really means something to both of us, but the fact that I am strongly atheist does mean that a church wedding would be inappropriate. Yet I want Kevin to have a ceremony that respects his beliefs, so a fully civil ceremony is also inappropriate. We want to meet half-way, but the State seems unlikely to let us – WebWedding.co.uk says “Legal civil ceremonies must be non-religious in content, so cannot include hymns, religious readings or prayers.” Does this mean he can't invoke God in his vows?
If the level of control of what can and can't be said in a civil ceremony includes the prohibition of the word 'God', then I find that to be an interference too far. In fact, it's bordering on fascistic, and that's not a term I bandy about lightly. I accept that certain criteria should be set down by law and met by couples marrying to ensure that the marriage is a true legally binding agreement entered into openly and with due solemnity by each party, but this stark prohibition seems to me to be going too far.
Of course, we could have a humanist wedding, or even a ceremony totally of our own devising, but that isn't legally recognised in England and Wales, (it is in Scotland), so we'd have to do the legal bit the day before in a registry office. It's absurd that, in this third millennium, we're not a bit more tolerant and forgiving of different viewpoints, and the fact that sometimes atheists and Christians fall in love and want to do things in a way that respects each other's beliefs.
We're going to have to talk to a proper registrar about what is and isn't possible, but I'm not holding out much hope.
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