I just had the realisation that I’ve been stopping myself from blogging recently. I’ve been too busy, too tired, too braindead, yes, but I’ve also been clamping down on my urge to blog. I’m not really sure why, but I don’t like it. I was talking to Steph Booth on IM when I suddenly realised it:
(17:21) Suw: you know, i think one of the reasons that i’m feeling so bad is that i’ve been stoping myself blogging
(17:22) Gummywabbit: aha. blog, blog. we’re bloggers first and foremost – if we don’t blog, we die inside
She’s right. Not blogging is making me feel shuttered and isolated. The main reason I’m not blogging is self-censorship, not wanting to shine a light on certain things that could cause certain reactions in certain people. And I’m still struggling with that a bit, to be honest.
The other thing that holds me back is that, whilst certain aspects of my life are great, others are not so hot and that affects my desire to blog. This new flat, for example, is much bigger and really nice inside, but manages to be both quieter (smaller road) and noisier (our bedroom faces the road, and our upstairs neighbours are noisy) than the old one. My happiness level swings to and fro here. Sometimes it’s great – it’s a good neighbourhood (by day) with some good restaurants within walking distance as well as two parks and good travel connections. Sometimes it’s horrible – when neighbours are banging about at 3 am, car doors are slamming outside and people are having arguments outside our bedroom window.
Frankly, I can’t wait to leave London completely. I will miss all my friends here when we do move, but after four years of stress it has become clear that it’s not possible for us to stay here and be happy. I need to focus on becoming more non-geographic over the next 18 months, so that wherever we go, I can still earn despite the fact that my clients have almost always been based in London. (Although that may be because I am also based in London… I wonder what would happen if we moved to North Wales!)
Ah, well, I’m bought some new beads this week, so I’m going to spend some of my holiday over the next week making new jewellery. My shop is still on Folksy, but all the items have fallen off the listings, so I need to re-list them all and add some more. Maybe that’s a project for this weekend! Oh, and amalgamating my Lost Yod blog with this one, it’d be good to get that done too. That, at least, will give me an excuse to post something here!